MRH MAY 2017: MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

I had only just returned from the office when Felix hurried into the room and urged me to come and check something out at the front of the house.
“Wale, come see something, quickly.”
“But you know I just got back from the office now, I’m tired, I need to relax.” I protested despite noticing the urgency in his tone.
“It’ll only take two minutes, then you can get back to your boring routine.” He urged.
Boring routine indeed. This boy doesn’t know what is called responsibility yet. Although Felix was my age mate and we had been friend since childhood, I had gone a few years ahead of him in life. I finished school early and got a good job almost immediately after my NYSC. Felix was still a medical student of the University of Nigeria, Nsukka. He had just concluded his semi final exams and had come to Lagos to spend his break with me before resuming for final year. He didn’t enjoy being indoor except it’s important. Felix was an advocate of the popular saying; “You Only Live Once”.
I followed him reluctantly, hoping to see something interesting. Outside our three-storey apartment building, which was like most of the houses in the street, everything seemed normal. So I turned to Felix.
“So, what now?”
“Look there my friend.” He pointed at a young lady sitting among some other women of different ages. I recognized her, in fact I knew her name. We’ve only never spoken to each-other.
“And what about her?” I asked.
“What’s her name?”
“Her name’s Bisola.” I said as I made my way back into my one bedroom apartment which was on the first floor of the building.
“Don’t you see that babe is beautiful?”
“Hmm mm.” I mumbledh.
“I must get that babe oh.” He sounded excited already.
“Sure, why not?” I said.
“You must help me.”
Finally my friend needed the help of a boring guy like me. My life wasn’t that boring after all. At least I knew about the people in my neighborhood even though I didn’t mingle. I had a girlfriend in Obafemi Awolowo University who visited once in a while and even though she never visited without calling me first, I didn’t feel the need to have a side chick around my area – at least not a top priority for me. Well ‘konji’ visited many times but I dealt with it.
I knew Felix would persist. I knew he would bug me to death if I didn’t agree to help him.
“Alright. We’ll see to it. Can I at least get back to my boring routine?”
He laughed. “Sure.” He dashed down the stairs, excited. “I’m going back to check her out again.”
That night I was forced to stay outside the house with Felix under the guise of receiving fresh air. Actually, that was a norm in my street. The heat in each house was something only a few could bear. Whenever there was power outage – which was mostly the case in the evenings – residents sit outside their buildings site seeing. That unsurprisingly brought some sort of liveliness into the street.
As expected, Bisola was outside their house – which stood right next to ours – with her neighbors, gossiping, I suppose. The task of getting her to leave the company of her neighbors and speak with my ‘jackass’ friend seemed daunting.
“Why do you even want this girl anyway? She’s an apprentice at that tailor shop over there. She’s not even in your league.”
“Look Wale, I don’t care if she sells pepper or does laundry job, I need to get this babe tonight. ‘Oomoh’, don’t you see what I’m seeing?”
“You’re such a stubborn human being.” I started to device a means to get the two of them talking, then leave. Felix didn’t know that it was as much difficult for me. I had never spoken to Bisola before but Felix wouldn’t take that as an excuse.
Suddenly we started to hear noises from an adjacent building. It looked like a fight. Whatever the cause of the fight was, or, whoever the participants were, I didn’t care, all I saw was an opportunity to complete our mission.
Within minutes, residents and passers-by had become onlookers – of course, including Bisola.
“Come with me.” I said to Felix.
We took a spot right next to Bisola who seemed rather uninterested in the fight.
“Good evening Bisola.”
“Good evening.” She replied.
She was rather shy. I could tell.
“What’s happening here?” I asked.
“It’s some shameless husband and wife at it again. They are always fighting, and worse they take it from their apartment to the street.
I was amazed at how fluently she spoke English. For a tailoring apprentice, that was awesome.
“My friend here would like to meet you. His name is Felix.”
“Hi, Bisola.” Felix quickly came in.
“Hi, Felix.” She replied.
That was all I could grasp from their conversation before I reverted back to my ‘boring routine’.
Felix spent most of the night humming and whistling. One would think he won a lottery.
“Did you get her number?”
“What, you thought I wouldn’t?” He replied. “The down side is, she stays with her mum and two younger brothers.” He continued.
“I know.” I said.
“But, she likes me already.” He said smiling.
“What d’you expect? She’s an apprentice and you are a med student.”
My routine changed that week. Felix would make me stay with him while he talked to Bisola every evening. He thought that words might reach Bisola’s mum if the neighbors saw that she was speaking with an unfamiliar person, so I was always there as a cover. Bisola was only 20, she was a girl who resolved to learn tailoring after several unsuccessful attempt to gain entry into a higher institution.
It didn’t take long before romance sparkled between Bisola and Felix and the scene was getting more and more uncomfortable for me to stay, especially when nightfall had taken over. Felix would take her into our house and I would remain outside receiving ‘fresh air’.
A week later, Felix had to leave for school. They had resumed and he had to go and do his registrations. He told Bisola about it and promised he’d come back to Lagos at the first chance.
“Oomoh…I must ‘knack’ this girl tonight oh. Felix said.
“So you never ‘knack’ her?” I asked.
“It’s not as easy as it looks. Whenever we’re alone in this room, the girl is always conscious. But tonight, I must get there.” He said affirmatively.
That night, as usual, I was outside while they were inside. I couldn’t help imagining what would be going on in my very own room right at the moment. I felt a bulge in my trousers, between my thighs. I quickly pressed it down with my hand.
Moments later, Bisola walked past me and headed to their building. That was too quick, something must have happened. I hurried into the house.
“How far, what happened?” I asked.
“Don’t mind the ‘yeye’ mother jor. She just spoilt the whole fun.” He complained. One could tell how pained he was from the way he kept hissing.
“What happened exactly?”
“She was already in the mood and I was almost there, then suddenly her phone rang and it was her mum. She had to leave immediately because her mum would suspect that she wasn’t outside if she didn’t pick up the phone.” He ranted.
Felix could never forgive Bisola’s mum for that.
“What now?” I asked.
“She said she’d come back.” He replied.
Truth is, Bisola never came back that night.
The next morning I dropped Felix at the park then went straight to the office. I felt relieved for the fact that I had my evenings back to myself. In fact I looked forward to it.
That evening I was home early to try a new recipe I got from the internet.
After cooking the meal, I had my bath and was ready to enjoy my special delicacy when I head a knock on my door.
I opened up to the beautiful face Bisola. She stood right at the door waiting to be invited in.
“Ehm…good evening.”
“Good evening Wale.” She smiled.
“Felix has gone back to school.” I said.
“I know.” She replied.
For a moment I stood there staring at her cleavage which was revealed in the short gown that she wore.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” I said.
~ To be continued.